Posted by: barbararogoski | July 24, 2011

Sappho Sisters Blog Name Change

New Name of This Blog Will Be : Sappho Sisters Like Me  


Hello to those Sista’s who have been reading my blog – thanks for that and to those who have commented or contacted me.

I have decided to change the name of this blog/website to Sappho Sisters Like Me. I feel that I want to write and make products to serve a wider range of lesbian and bi-women, not just expats. So within a few days, I will change over to the new domain name and add more things. All things should remain the same with the site. If you experience any problems, please let me know.

Question for you, my Sappho Sisters who read this blog:  Are there any topics you want to know more about? Any products that you wish were on the e-market that are not yet available that I can create or get hold of for you?

Please let me know as I intend to add products, videos, partners, affiliates and links on this site for Sappho Sisters like me…

Be Strong and  Be Authentic…

Barbara

 

Comments Off

Posted in Advise and Support, Misc. stuff | Tags: ,

Posted by: barbararogoski | June 19, 2011

Internet Dating – Truth or Fiction?

My Humorous Look at the Sappho Internet Dating Scene

Since I came out in November 2009, I have signed up for several English language and Dutch language sites to check out the Sappho scene through this lens. I have been through the icy chill of lesbian bars and wanted to see if the internet created the same cold feeling. I have been on large global sites, and small Netherlands specific sites and here are a few humorous observations:

1. A picture says a thousand words in a single second - When you do your search and get results and all the sappho profiles start to come up, your eye is attracted to a photo, repelled by it or neutral. Wouldn’t it make sense to put up an attractive photo of yourself?  HELLO – What are some of these girls thinking!! You look at a photo and you say, Geeeesh, if this is what you put up on your profile, what do you look like the morning after?

Being an American sales professional and business owner, I have learned to present a polished image,whenever possible. I chose the best photo I have to attract some nice lady who says, “Hmmm, she looks nice…”

Do some of these girls think that showing me their boobs, dressing like a vampire or sticking their tongue out at me is going to make me come running? Aaah, no, I don’t think so…

2. The speed of rejection is incredible – With so many sappho sisters looking for love and relationships in the world, your search results often give back pages and pages of girls to look at. So as a result, your process of elimination is faster than the speed of light…

It goes like this:   Ah…no, next, ah…no, next, ah…maybe…no, next, ah…no -  scary looking- vampire dressing- boob blazing-tongue wagging anorexic…NO!  This may be an exaggeration, but people don’t give people a chance online. Her photos are not nice, her profile is too short, her profile is too long, the profile is in Dutch, damn…she says she lives in a tree and goes on hunger strikes for the rights of  fairies  – OOOHHHH NO!  Next!

3. You come across someone nice, but – You finally see someone who fits your type of profile, and say to yourself, “Hmmm., photos look ok , profile reads pretty well, no crazy things so far…hmmm, maybe I will send her a smile or short note.

You get the courage up to contact her…you send a smile or a little intro note with your most charming self…hopeful for a positive response – and BAM – you get a response like – ”Not interested, you loser!” or no reply at all – which response is better?

I had that experience when I joined Relatieplanet.nl, a local Dutch dating site. I found three different ladies that I said, “” Wow, she looks nice and just what this Sappho girl has been looking for!” Sent the message and  BAM, rejection message – icy chill in the air coming back?

Hmmm, it couldn’t possibly be me, could it?

4. You agree to meet each other in person – After some nice chats online, and you determine that this person is definitely not a vampire, you agree to meet for a “snuffel date”.  Snuffel in Dutch literally means to sniff around to see quickly if  something for you. You wear your best sappho outfit and meet each other. One of two things usually happen: she is nothing like you expected her to be, have no chemistry, whatsoever, and leave after one cappuccino, or you like her and think it could be something nice and then after a short time, she tells you that she still has feelings for her ex! This happened to me recently with a really great lady I met twice and thought she liked me too…Sigh…

I don’t know any ladies who have met their partners online – doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen, but I have never heard about it. So if you have a tough skin and can take alot of rejection before your Cinderella comes along, go for it. Good to see what other ladies are looking like and what they are looking for. Kind of fun to search for the gothic, vampira types as well.

Here are three sites that I recommend to check out, just for some fun:

Lesbian Personals Online – This is one of the largest sites, user-friendly, in English and can search by country. I like this site quite alot. Met a nice Canadian and had some intense chat sessions, but from one day to the next,she disappeared. Saw one yesterday that struck my fancy and I sent an email along to make contact. I have my shield up to deflect that BAM when and if  it comes…

Pink Sofa - Nice little international site  – you can chat live with person and can follow comment stream.  I met one very nice lady here.

Relatieplanet.nl for those sappho sisters living in Holland. In Dutch, but has a wide number of ladies listed.

If you are looking for love, check out the ladies clubs in your area, go signup for a dating site and see who you come across. While you must develop a hard side to survive in this sappho scene, be open to meeting some great ladies – believe that someone special is out there and searching for you – and she will find her way to you – but, as I myself, am learning, I must also be happy and content with my own company, before the Universe guides the right lady to me…

Good luck, Sappho Sistas’, as we all find our way…

Comments Off

Posted in Advise and Support, Getting Out There, Inspiration | Tags: , , ,

Posted by: barbararogoski | May 26, 2011

Sappho Songs to Make You Sigh…#1

Song Lyrics that Give Me Hope

Music is really important to me in my life…the words and music have to touch me as well as the voice of the artist. When all three of these things come together in a great song…well, that is magic and it goes deep in the heart and soul of me.

On my Sappho journey to meet a lovely lady meant for me, I am looking for songs that can apply between two women… I look for the nuance of a song that would normally be oriented toward the heterosexual attraction, or longing, or being in love, or love lost – but many of them can apply toward the Sappho-Sappho connection…Hmmm, can’t they all apply to us?

Here is the first of many song lyrics that make me sigh each time I hear them…

# 1 Song to Make you Sigh: Tonight’s the Night by Rod Stewart, but sung by Janet Jackson on Velvet Rope CD

Stay away from my window,
Stay away from my back door, too
Disconnect the telephone line,
Relax baby and draw that blind…

Kick off your shoes,
And sit right down,
Loosen up the back
Of your pretty french gown,
Let me pour ya’
A good long drink,
Oh baby don’t you hesitate.

Chorus:

Tonight’s the night.
It’s gonna be alright.
‘Cause I love you girl,
Ain’t nobody gonna
Stop us now.

Come on angel,
My heart’s on fire.
Don’t deny
This one desire.
You’ll be a fool
To stop this time.
Spread your winds and let me
Come inside!

Repeat Chorus

Don’t say a word
My virgin child.
Just let your
Inhibitions run wild.
The secret is
About to unfold.
Upstairs before the
Night’s to old, ’cause

Tonight’s the night!
It’s gonna be alright!
‘Cause I love you girl
Ain’t nobody gonna
Stop us now.

Janet Jackson does an amazing job with this song and it makes me sigh and dream each time I hear it. Sigh…

You can download it here on Itunes if you like:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/id15810927?i=15810915    # 17

Enjoy!

Comments Off

Posted in Z Uncategorized

Posted by: barbararogoski | May 14, 2011

Coming Out over 40

OMG! What Do I Do Now?

Coming out of the closet and letting the world know that you are gay is scary at any age. What will friends and family say? Will people act differently to me? What does this mean in my life and lifestyle?

Well, realizing you are a Sappho Sister over the age of forty is even more difficult. By this age, you likely have already had a husband and kids and a relatively settled life – if you are lucky with a little house with white picket fence with dog and cat in the yard…Ah, domestic bliss!

Wrong! We make plans and God says, “HA!”  Then life throws you a curve into your nice, safe life and the little sensations you experienced such as noticing the girls in the locker room at the gym or when certain women were nearby or yearning for deeper connection with your best girlfriends turns more acute. Instead of little thoughts and feelings of, “Hmmm….that’s a beautiful woman”… to…”I want to BE with that woman!”… OMG! What do I do with these feelings now? I have a husband and children…what do I do when I realize I am a lesbian?

It can be a very unsettling idea to reconsider your sexual identity at midlife after years of marriage and swimming lessons and all the other elements of the typical heterosexual lifestyle. But here are 5 things to consider for my Sappho Sisters over 40 who are standing in the doorway of the closet, perched between the straight lifestyle you always knew and hmmm…the not so straight path to come…

1.  This change in orientation is happening more and more in Western Society, as women are coming to know themselves better and being gay is not as taboo as it used to be –in fact, it is kind of cool and admired by some…Look at the path Ellen Degeneres has lit for us, the popularity of “The L Word” and Curve Magazine.

2. You deserve to be true to yourself and your feelings. Life is too short to settle for what your friends or family say that you should do and be.  YOU are in charge of your life and are entitled to find your true identity and live it authentically.

3. Those that know you and love you will accept it if it makes you happy. If you are lucky, your friends and family will support you in this quest for authenticity as soon as you get the courage to tell them. If you a bit lucky, the ones who have trouble with it, will come around to support you over time. Give them time to process your news and do not demand acceptance. If you are not so lucky, some people you love will not support you. This is THEIR problem, not yours…If they cannot accept you for being authentic and true to your heart – “I will love you and be there for you if follow MY conditions, then they do not truly love you for who you are – Step back from them for a short time, longer time or forever.

4.  You will be happier in a year from now. Yes, you will go through a difficult time of uncertainty and transition. Yes, you may lose some people who cannot accept your lifestyle choices. But YOU are the only one who really matters. You can take them into consideration, but YOU must follow your own inner voice and path. Be brave and follow your path anyway. You will see that once all the fireworks are over and the dust settles, and you find your new balance, you will be happy to be you – whatever that new you turns out to be…

5. You are not alone –Although this is very new for you…many other Sappho Sisters have come this way and you can find support in many different places. Find someone to talk to – Contact me here if you don’t have anyone else to talk to! You just need to have courage to face your fears and work toward coming out into the light.

So, it is all about  finding your own truth and living by it…I am not telling you to choose one path or another. I am simply sharing my experience with you to support you in your life path in general. Listen to your inner guidance. It will never let you down…

This is dedicated to my new friend Paula…

More posts to follow about coming out over 40 – I have alot to say on this subject!

Thanks for reading!

2 Comments

Posted in Advise and Support, Inspiration, My Top Five Lists, Over 40 crowd | Tags:

Posted by: barbararogoski | May 1, 2011

THISGAY

The Hague International Straight-Gay Alliance for Youth (THISGAY)

This youth organization is doing amazing things in The Hague. According to their Facebook page, this is what they do:

They are a student run non-profit organization aimed at international teens in The Hague, gay straight, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.

Their mission is to create a “safe zone” for teens where homosexuality is not a taboo. For teens that want to talk about homosexuality, they can talk freely without being made to feel ashamed or embarrassed.

They reinforce to teens that homosexulity is not a joke – they want to teach people both straight and gay to respect all people’s rights!

It is estimated that 13% of the population are GLBT.  They do not encourage anyone to come out or act in one way or another.

The goal is simply to allow discussion about homosexuality and it’s place in society.

They meet in different places when there is interest by teens who want to meet – they have no advertising budget and get no support from schools, so it is word of mouth and on Facebook.

I say BRAVO to the THISGAY organization for creating a forum to help teens deal with their feelings, changing identities and be aware of social attitudes toward the gay and lesbian community.

Teens need to be supported worldwide and inspired to search and discover their authentic selves and follow their hearts; to know that they are not alone and that other kids are going through the same thing and that it is OK to be who you are!

Check out their Facebook page today!

I will be supporting and encouraging  THISGAY and ask my Sappho Sisters who read this to do the same!

4 Comments

Posted in Inspiration, Living in the Netherlands | Tags:

Posted by: barbararogoski | April 26, 2011

Nature or Nurture?

A Lifestyle Choice or Not a Choice?

I had an interesting philosophical discussion with a good friend about  “nature or nurture” with regard to  being gay or lesbian.  The question is, “Is being gay or lesbian a lifestyle choice or is it not a choice of lifestyle… just living like every other heterosexual person, but choosing to be with someone of the same gender?

My friend has been a lesbian most of her adult life and came from a very open family who accepted her and had gay and lesbian friends and family around. Being gay was not a big change for her, but simply part of her growing up and was accepted by (most) family members as she grew into her own identity.

I came from a strict Catholic family and rarely came in contact with any gay or lesbian people growing up.  The words homosexual or lesbian were never uttered in my home, or if they were,  they were said in very judgemental and harsh context. The thought of being gay or having gay friends was such a foreign concept, that it was not even part of my consciousness as a child, teenager or young adult, for that matter…

I was married for 15 years to a wonderful man with two children and only came to the realization I was lesbian in my mid 40′s. For me it was a clear lifestlyle change and choice to do so; to explore the authentic lifestyle I want to lead now – with great joy and excitement.

So here are two women who grew up in very different ways with regard to homosexuality and the acceptance or suppression of authentic self.

I had a difficult time understanding what my friend was saying about it not being a lifestyle choice, as I had to struggle and fight to find my own authentic path out of the closet at 45. Her path seemed to be smoother than the one I have just tread on…

Hmmmm… so is it nature or nurture that makes us what and who we are?

I don’t have all the answers on this, but I suppose my best answer is that we are a combination of our biological makeup and the environment that we grew up in. Some know from an early age that they are gay and some only discover this element of themselves later in life.

But it is all about being authentic and getting to know yourself and accepting yourself with love, understanding and compassion.

Some courage is required  to be your best Sappho self, no matter how you got to where you are today.

Peace on your journey toward authentic living…

Comments Off

Posted in Advise and Support, Inspiration | Tags: ,

Posted by: barbararogoski | April 6, 2011

Hit the Road, Jack

Interesting Behavior in the Sappho World 

I feel that I am getting out more in the Sappho world in Holland and don’t feel like such a newbie anymore – but sometimes, I still do feel like a little girl running with the cool kids. I have not written for a while because I have been out playing  the field and meeting some fine ladies. But one thing that I am observing is the speed that ladies come in and out of each other’s lives – well maybe that is my own unfortunate experience – but this is MY blog, so I will observe and share all I want!

What I am noticing is that many of my sappho sisters meet each other, get close, get too close and turn away. They then reconsider, come back, get close and then do something to sabotage it or dramatically turn away without a backward glance. This kind of thing makes this spiritual and authentic Sappho Sister simply scratch her head and say, “Huh?”

As Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz said when Glenda the good witch teleported out of Munschkinland, “People come and go so quickly here!”.

But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  I have been away from the dating scene for a long time during my married years, but I don’t remember these sorts of dramatic departures in the hetero world… hmmmmm, could’nt possibly be me, could it?

Anyway, quite single at the moment and good wit’ it, yo…

I have decided to back off from my pursuit of epic love as stated in Elena Undone…and just live my life, happy with my homies. You know who you are… If I meet a lady who, for whatever reason, does the dramatic departure move on me again, I will wave goodbye (figuratively)  and say, “See ya around Sista’” and bless the encounter, no matter how long or short it was…

Comments Off

Posted in Advise and Support, Getting Out There, Inspiration | Tags:

Posted by: barbararogoski | March 15, 2011

Hug a Lesbian Day

March 15th is ” Hug a Lesbian Day”

Like secretaries day or Boss’s day, some holidays are made up to get people to buy cards or presents for the important people in their lives.  But according to Facebook, today, March 15th, is Hug a Lesbian Day.  I LIKE IT!

As Sappho sisters, let’s embrace the chance to recognize our own authentic  specialness and that of the ladies in our lives.  Being American, any reason to get or give a hug is a good one!

I have email blasted my friends  and on Facebook, and SMS’d the lesbian sisters that matter to me. An internet hug is not quite as good a one in person, but it is another way to let the ladies in our lives know we love them. I got group hugs from my sisters in my office who know my struggles and experiences that I write about in this blog – and they support me in my new lifestyle choice, for reaching out to other sisters who need support and the journey to find a lady love. A good reason to get hugs, if you ask me…

So go find your favorite lesbians and give them all a hug to recognize their brilliance and your own…

 

1 Comment

Posted in Z Uncategorized

Posted by: barbararogoski | March 5, 2011

Finding Peace with Disapproving Parents

How Does One Reconcile Being Authentic When Those We Love Don’t Approve? 

Living an alternative lifestyle is not the easy path, whether you are 18 or 50, live in New York or Amsterdam, are male or female. I admire those Sappho sisters who live in the sunlight and are following their truth to themselves and to the world. But what do you do if  those in your support network – namely family and parents specifically, do not approve of the lifestyle choices you make?

 

I often think of my Sappho sisters living in places where homosexuality is forbidden or condemned. I say a silent prayer for them and for myself that I am lucky enough to find myself in an open and progressive culture in the Netherlands.

I am out of the closet one year at 46, after being a Catholic until I was 44!  When I told all my friends and family that I was gay, I had the overwhelming support of all – most were not surprised and all were loving in their reactions to me and my new revelation.

All except one… the matriarch of our family – my 84-year-old Mother. I shall not write much about her here, out of respect and privacy,  but I am busy with figuring out how to manage to allow my new lifestyle to grow and develop in joy and anticipation, and to still keep her in my life. She is from the old school and very Catholic school…and cannot accept that her daughter who was married for 15 years (to a man) , with two children, could possibly be gulp… g…g…g…gay…

Do we need  approval from our parents to pursue our authentic selves?   I say NO!

Can we be truly happy if they do not support us?  I say YES!

For me, I kept away from seeking approval as much as possible when I told every significant person in my life my news. I am my own person, with only one life to live (I believe we live many times, but not for this discussion) and need to explore and enjoy living as I am intended to live…

I need to stand in my power and authenticity in this choice and if others cannot accept it, then it is their issue to deal with.

Loving with conditions, is not truth. “You live a certain way, and I will love you. If you do not, I will not…”

Loving those who do not approve is not easy to do. I pushed my Mother away when she voiced her disapproval. She lives in the US and I live in Holland, but I mentally pushed her away. My ego suggested, “Well if she does not want to accept this very important thing in my life, then I will exclude her.” But this did not feel like truth either…and it did not allow me to have any peace about it…

So here is what I have learned in the process so far – I speak from my own experience:

It is my decision to follow this lifestyle and I cannot force it upon anyone and demand their acceptance or approval.

They are entitled to their opinion of the situation and I must be open to at least trying to see it from their side.

I must separate myself from the need for approval from them. I must stand in my own truth about who I am; no matter what my age is and no matter what happens.

Even if they cannot love me for who I am (at this particular moment  – maybe it will change in the future) I must do my best to take the high road and love them.

There may be fewer things to talk about, but I make sure I make the effort to keep the mutual things going as lovingly as possible.We talk about my children, my work and her life. I don’t want to lose contact with this lovely lady who has played such a significant part in my life and who I have become – even if she cannot yet accept this new part of me…

But I am dropping little tidbits of sappho news about myself when I find an opening…

Find peace in yourself and the choices you make – choices that are good for YOU…right for YOU…make YOU happy…

If you are lucky, you have loving parents that accept your Sappho lifestyle with open arms and love.  LUCKY YOU…

If you don’t have this luxury, find peace in yourself and accept your parents for who they are, where they are.

Accept yourself, also, for who you are, where you are – and live your lifestyle with open arms that extend to them, too…     with love, respect and peace…

Comments Off

Posted in Advise and Support, Inspiration | Tags: ,

Posted by: barbararogoski | February 27, 2011

Sappho Speed Dating Success

My Faith in the Dutch Sappho Sisterhood is Restored!

Friday night I went to my first lesbian speed dating event at Basta Babes in The Hague. Checked the internet before for speed dating tips and walked in very curious as to how it would go. Up until  this moment, I found the Sappho scene in Holland sometimes cold and closed.

There were twenty ladies of all shapes and sizes, 35 and above. One lovely transgender lady was present with shining eyes and bright smile.

There was a little nervousness in the air at the beginning and everyone was looking at everyone, checking out who we would like to speak to (and who, perhaps not). We each got a card with each ladies’ name and a space to write a few notes about each encounter and in the end to put a JA or NEE check next to her name. Small, semi private tables were set up along the long wall toward the dance floor with two chairs. It was very well organized and presented by Basta Babes.

We had three minutes to ask questions and tell about ourselves. I was proud of myself to practice my conversational and flirting skills in Dutch!

I sat with about 12 ladies and had enough time in the three minutes to feel an immediate connection or not. In some cases for me, the attraction was physical for potential dating, but in some cases, the attraction was to become friends – I always can benefit from more Sappho sisters in my life.

I interacted with ladies that I might not normally talk to in the scene: A 69 year old lady coming back to the dating scene after a long relationship, a heavyset very tough, butch lady, that I would likely never speak to – who sat across from me and we shared a few moments together in quiet conversation, the transgender lady trying to find her way, as I try to find my way, a detective, a schoolteacher, a psychologist – all my Sappho sisters with their own stories to tell…

At the end something remarkable happened. All of us were relaxed and happy and talking freely. Ladies were buying me drinks and just coming up and talking and laughing in a free and easy way and it was really fun and joyful to be there.

Finally! This is what I have been looking for in the Dutch lesbian world: openness, interest, warmth, acceptance.

I checked off 8 “JA”s on my card and turned it in. Today, I got a thank you email for attending and learned that 6 of the ladies I liked also liked me! I received their email addresses and will follow up with each of them to explore the possibilities.

All the ladies touched me in some way, as I felt safe and supported and a feeling of coming home in that little pub in The Hague for that one night. I can now go back into the world of loud dance clubs  and bars where the environment is often closed and cold – and remember my evening of lovely connections and keep the faith in my Dutch Sappho Sisterhood. Perhaps I will also make some friends and lovers as a result.

2 Comments

Posted in Getting Out There, Inspiration, Living in the Netherlands | Tags: ,

Older Posts »

Categories

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.